Twenty fortunes with good humor: gentle irony, everyday life and endings you won't see coming.
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The best fortune cookie is the one that makes you smile before you finish reading it. These sayings play with the solemn tone of predictions: they start serious and end somewhere unexpected, without making fun of anyone.
Funny fortune cookie sayings
You will have a lucky day: you'll find the remote on the first try.
You're not late; you're making an entrance.
This cookie is not responsible for your 2 a.m. decisions.
You will soon receive unexpected news. It's probably an ad.
Success awaits on the other side of “five more minutes.”
You will shine today, especially if you spill sauce on your shirt.
The answer to your question is yes. The diet question too, but tomorrow.
Someone close to you will be very happy to see you. It may be your cat.
You'll be right in an argument today. Save it for when it matters.
Your wifi will improve as soon as you stop staring at it.
Someone admires your parking. You don't know who; best that way.
Soon you'll make plans with friends. Everyone will cancel, delighted.
Your energy today: 3%. Your optimism: 100%. Charger in sight.
The early bird gets the worm, but you have a great plan B: a nap.
You have a hidden talent. Almost certainly it's finding the last slice of pizza.
An unexpected journey awaits: to the supermarket, for what was missing.
What looks like a disaster today will be an anecdote at the next dinner.
Yes, you may eat another cookie. This one doesn't count.
Your future is bright. Your present is a bit messy. Totally normal.
Today you face an important decision: pizza or pizza?
When they work best
With friends: read them aloud one by one; the joke lives in the last words.
At work: for a team lunch, pick the ones that don't single anyone out.
As a prank: tuck one into a real cookie on a day nobody expects it.
The serious and motivational ones are on the all sayings page.
Sayings by topic
Questions about funny sayings
What makes a fortune cookie slip funny?
Mimicking the solemn tone of a prediction and breaking it at the end with something ordinary. The surprise does the work.
Are they suitable for children?
Yes, none uses adult humor. Still, read them first before handing them out at a kids' party.